Posted by Victoria Trabosh on Sun, May 10, 2009 @ 02:28 PM
photo credit
I must start this entry with a tribute to my Mother, affectionately known as Dead Rita. She was magnificent as a mother. And she was magnificent because she was flawed and did it anyway. Born in 1931 illegitimate, to a mother who was less than stellar and often unquestionably cruel, she chose not to repeat the sins of her mother. Dead Rita was talented, beautiful, wise, humble, artistic and wracked with self doubt and fears. And she did it anyway.
Stayed in a marriage for 43 years that brought her little joy, raised 3 children to the very best of her abilities, gave more than she received, and was grateful for the love of her children and grandchildren. She has been gone for 10 ½ years and I think of her every day. No day is harder than Mother’s Day – I celebrated her every year on this special day with the greatest of joy – she was my hero, the wind beneath my wings, the one person I know who loved me unconditionally and my best friend. When she died in my arms on October 3, 1998, I felt a grief I could not have anticipated. Having her die in front of me was heartbreaking and yet, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Because I had no regrets. I had done all I could for her.
But what if I couldn’t have done that? What if I couldn’t care for her and get her the medical treatment possible? What if I couldn’t have fed her? That instead of dying peacefully in my arms she had died at the hands of a killer, or of a curable disease, or alone? These questions do not haunt me for her, but they haunt me for the people of Darfur.
As painful as it is to watch a parent die in this country, I can’t imagine the excruciating mental agony of a child watching their mother die before them with no knowledge of how they will carry on. It is that vision that keeps me focused and resolved to not eat until May 18, 21 days after I began this fast.
We continue to fast for Darfur because every human soul deserves the right to live with some basic needs met. Food, water, safety, a chance to make their way in the world, in whatever way fits their circumstances, their culture, their time. The people of Darfur barely are surviving. And have NONE of these basic needs. So we protest. And we protest peacefully. War is not the answer.
Yesterday in my mediation class we had a reading of Thich Nhat Hanh from his book: Miracle of Mindfulness, A Manual on Meditation. Thinking of my fast and this work we do to help those who cannot speak for themselves, there was a passage read about a man who was so angry and Nhat Hanh responded peacefully. I was struck by this because I know I cannot be angry with everyone who doesn’t get it, doesn’t care or thinks I’m crazy to take this action.
Nhat Hanh’s response to this question, “Why not be angry with him, “I asked. “Even pacifists have a right to be angry.” He responded: “If it were just myself, yes. But I am here to speak for Vietnamese peasants. I have to show them that we can be at our best.” (From The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hahn).
He said this at the height of the Vietnam War when he came to the US to speak at churches and any place where people would gather to hear the other side of the story of Vietnam. A Buddhist Monk. Who knew he must do what he could, regardless of the outcome.
That is why we fast for Darfur. To draw attention to an untenable situation. And say: no more. Stop the killing. Get more humanitarian aid to people who are starving while we gorge at Mother’s Day buffets (well, not me today – but usually!)
Take Action.
Fast. Pray. Write to the President. Get involved in your local efforts to draw attention to Darfur. Give to nationally recognized organizations intent of bring help.
And be thankful. For all you have. For all you will have. And know you can make a difference.
Posted by Kyle James on Wed, Dec 03, 2008 @ 01:47 PM
I've written a book about this incredible woman because of all she has done to inspire me, her family and strangers all over the world. You can register to be the FIRST TO KNOW when the books hits the stores by going to http://DeadRitasWisdom.com IF your name is Rita, let me know that when you sign up and you'll get a FREE copy (no joke).
She would have been 77 today. It's impossible to believe she's been gone 10 years. Right now 'You raise me up' is playing. That was what she did for me and those she loved.
But the song that best describes her is Bette Midler's 'The Wind Beneath My Wings'. When that song first came out, I gave it to her on a little cassette. I stood there just in awe that she would play a song that perfectly described who she was to me. While it might have been named Song of the Year in 1990, it was the song of my greatest love, my Mom. Wherever Bette Midler is at this moment, may she continue to sing songs that bring such love and meaning to others. Also, I'd like her to read Dead Rita's Wisdom. It's perfect for her - outrageous, funny, heartfelt and wise. Like I see Bette Midler. So if you know her, please make an introduction for me. And I just looked up her BD on IMDb. December 1. Frankly, if her BD had been the same as Mom's, I wouldn't have been able to handle it. But it's nice and close!
Here are words that to this day make me cry when I hear them:
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way,
you always walked a step behind.
So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name -- for so long,
a beautiful smile to hide the pain.
CHORUS:
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and ev'rything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it,
I would be nothing without you.
(CHORUS)
Fly, fly, fly away,
you let me fly so high.
Oh, fly, fly,
so high against the sky, so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you,
the wind beneath my wings.
Happy Birthday Mom - how I wish you were here so that I could make you a pineapple upside down cake and you could eat all the pineapple off the top. Loved it when you did that!